A lot of people would argue that being rich and powerful is the meaning of happiness. While some of them would work that way, it still not enough to buy you or to "conquer" you a human heart.

Yes, I admit that I almost have everything in the world to live my life leisurely.

Yes, I admit that I'm over accessorized and fully equipped for me own good.

Yes, I am capable of doing almost everything in a whim.

But I am not happy. With a few zeroes in my ATM Savings account, I can buy an Evolution Ten in just a wink of an eye... but I won't be happy.

Sure I'll be happy if I win in the lottorey.

Sure I'll be happy if I get to have sex with the most bombascious woman in the planet.

Sure I'll be happy if I could clone/gene-splice/engineered my dream girl.

But in all of that, I won't be happy. I know that I won't be happy with those. It can give me temporary happiness but not the happiness that can last me for a lifetime. This is the soul reason why I'm looking for fuck buddies. They're easier to manipulate and also broken hearted.

Am I looking at the wrong way? Am I too crooked for my own good? Love can be found in sex but why can't I still find it? This is like killing a boss monster that drops an epic item with a percentage to impossible... but it is possible to attain though.

I don't ask much in life. A decent lifestyle and a good woman that I can count on and would love me for the bastard that I am.

When will I ever meet her... :(

This must be the most lowest point of my entire life.

I mean, seriously, I'm trying to hook myself with a girl who obviously doesn't like me and also a single mom who's utterly stupid and full pride even if she's slaving away to pay a rent.

I keep on looking back at things and event that happened to my life and wished I did the right thing or wished that it happened the way I want it... like Arlene... Arlene... (O.O)

So now, I'm really looking for this super babe of my dreams. Big boobs, sexy waist, a red head and just literally the girl of my dreams.

My ideal woman and the one partner in my life that I can run with, crash with and cry with.

I made her in a game called Aion and her name is Mitsune.

I already grew up on being a man who role-plays as a woman in the internet. I just love women so much that I always make them to be my character in every gender-selectable game.

So, what does Mitsune looks like? The girl of your dreams with big boobs, a waist to die for and a red-head. I already made up a self-meme out of her! Mitsune - girl of your dreams!

Yeah I know... I'm pathetic :(

Recently, my mind is swimming on shores that shouldn't be swam in anymore.

Shore number 1: My previous fuck buddy.

Why oh why can't I let go a fuck buddy that I'm over with a year ago? Sure she's a mom, sure she's married, sure she might have some issues... Makes sense if those really turned me on. Our break-up wasn't the best in the world too. The silent good-bye.

I don't know why she did it or even pretended to forget me but she's one hell of a fuck! She's the complete package of sin and pleasure all in one. Can't get enough of her really. I'm still hoping that we could meet soon.

Then again, I'm also hoping to meet someone like her.

Shore number 2: Arlene.

Arlene, Arlene, Arlene... the woman who looked like the porn star in one of my Japanese Adult Videos. Her body is no exception. Just a few stares you'll be in the mood in no time. She smiles like a star and her eyes are like jewels. Damn what a woman.

My story with her is a little tragedy. I asked if I could woo her in exchange of lending her money. Her back story is even darker, her plan, according to my peers who introduced me to her, was to use me and my money. Materialistic me just can't stand those kind of people and just bid her farewell in a heartbeat.

Although she does seem to look like a desperate little kitten who needs a home. It was also in that time that she needed money.



That's mostly it... about women, AGAIN! So sinful and so bad...

So, earlier this day, I chatted with my "friend" - one of the many women that I planned to sleep with.

Did you notice the past tense there?

Yes, planned. She's a really good-looking MILF with a hot body. Though she's a total turn off right now since she started bitching to me instead of his boyfriend about her financial needs.

Talk about that!

I just started chatting with her again not so long ago and she now asks me for help... WITH MONEY!

Actually, it all started when I asked if she could get the help from her new boyfriend - which she said that she can't because the boyfriend would ask for his sister's help instead because he's also tight with money... THEN WHY THE FUCK DID HE GET A GIRLFRIEND IF HE CAN'T EVEN AFFORD TO BUY HIMSELF SOME LUXURY!? I'm telling you guys, he's also in it for the shaft and not for the woman.

So, as a nice and shy girl that she is (read: totally stupid and full of pride) she didn't asked for it anymore so she came running to me.

Then here's where it gets interesting, when I knew that her new man is just playing with her, I thought that it might be best to retract my help since I also said in the first place that "Sure, I think I can help her" but since she's a stupid person and began dating the wrong man again, I'm beginning to think twice.

Being a nice man that I am, I choose my words carefully and play with them - being tact and sensitive at the issue at hand as I slowly slide away. Take note, I'm not the boyfriend here. When she felt that I'm backing out, she started bitching on me! People, if you're going to be sorry in bothering other people's time, don't put some crappy words before it sounding that we really did help them but we didn't.

I don't know how she got the pride and attitude when in fact she's in need of help. If you are a shy girl, you wouldn't even have that attitude in the first place. You also shouldn't be choosy or bitching to people if they can't help you.

In all honesty, they're everywhere.

Even at work!

Douchebags are people who act and think that they're always correct in all norms and they don't give a fuck about other people's thoughts. Seriously, they need to be hit by a shovel in the face.

I have proven something in life yet again...

If you come up with a concise and correct answer that challenges their belief or what they perceive is correct, they'll gangbang you and turn your gut inside and out.

Yes folks, they don't want your opinions and they'll even tell you that you're utterly and stupidly wrong if you don't provide them with enough evidence (read: evidence that it's already obvious to Captain Obvious)

These people will treat talented or people with potential in their field like shit. They don't appreciate what you do and they'll even turn into a pile of cow dung.

Also, these kind of people wanted you to kiss their asses so good that the only thing that's left to make them really above you is to literally do it.

I mean, what the fuck?!

I work there for the sake of doing my job not to kiss-ass people! Hell, I don't even have an immediate boss and yet the people in the HR department wanted me to greet them with a sir and ma'am for the sake of finishing their trivial problems!

There's this bulldog-looking HR person who even asks me, whenever something goes wrong in the god-forsaken system they have, "why what's happening? why does that error show up? you do know what's happening right?" Like hell I know in just one look!

Most people take into account that if you're in the field of IT, you already know lots and you could program things in a jiffy. Well "hello world" to you asshats!

First of all, an error could only give you a clue as to what's really happening. You couldn't even tell in an instant on what's really happening and why did the computer tell you that kind of error - much more if it's a hardware failure. To add insult, they'll even tell you that it's not the problem "Sir, I don't think that's the problem here. I just restarted the blahblahblah" FOR FUCKS SAKES IF YOU DO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON THEN WHY DO YOU EVEN BOTHER CALLING ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

There's also this GM of ours. So full of it and so know it all. He's like the voice of our dreaded boss. He just fired our friend and trusted IT Head (although he really does nothing at work, sorry sir, that's what I can really see but we're still good ;) and took us over and started blurting projects as if it's just hanky-panky tasks. Then, he'll side with the most people in a given argument or fight. (Which normally falls under IT versus everyone else in the entire fucking company)

Then this GM started telling me about responsibilities and amor for the work... WHAT THE FUCK!!! I do my responsibilities to the fullest! I just slipped up one time and they've sent me a memo for it! Insubordination!? That's a pretty heavy word for a slip-up. The story about that is even hilarious! Can't I have a Friday night to enjoy with my friends?! Call my partner so he could take over for me? That guy is practically dying because of that company! Sheesh, they don't trust our skills enough seriously.

To top it all off, I haven't got a synch of increase since I got my position to regular and it's going to be my 1 year soon and still I won't get my increase. I've been overworked, over sermon and overly looked-down to. This company has cursed IT for years as well and they seemed to be practically able people who can really run the company - save some for the previous peeps who just resigned... also, fuck them for fucking me.

Bunch of douchebags if you ask me... I can't wait for November in moving out of that forsaken company and let's see if the next IT peeps can handle what we left. Oh Lord, please save me, please take me away from them!

You can't...

And we all know that summer has ended.

Yes, I prefer my days (and especially my nights) to be chilly. I hate the fucking sun and the heat it gives. Stupid Chinese people wrecking my fucking ozone layer! (just google if you want to know why)

If I were to choose, I'd live my entire life in Canada or somewhere really cool. Not in this forsaken country - it's tropical, a corrupt government and people, too confused with its own identity and the poverty! Kids running around the streets without pants!

I feel for the poor but please! Stop multiplying for crying out loud! We already know you're poor but why burden yourself more with so much kids!?

Seriously, if there would be a zombie outbreak, I wish it would happen in China first. Not that I hate Chinese people (I love their women! So sexy!) but they're the most notorious race in the world with a boom of population! And green house effect. And their movies with flying people.

Anyway, summer has ended and the heat doesn't go away and I'm here ranting that I can't fucking sleep. tl;dr.

I know myself too much

even on day 1, I already failed the experiment!!!

Help me my angels~!! XD

We all know that there are some things in life that cannot be deviated and steered by our will.

Things like "Death", "Love" and "Fortune" controls our life in a sort of way.

And since I'm obviously unlucky and unhappy right now, it reflects on my perception in life as well; I'm a pessimist, sarcastic and devilishly bastard.

Karma perhaps?

Maybe so - ergo, experiment FATE comes into being.

I can't change overnight but I will try to change slowly and gradually to become a better person, hoping that my fortune would turn for the better.

I'll try to note things through this blog.

Positive energy! ENTER ME!!

I don't have enough money

I'm under payed for my work

Tons of work to finish with the deadline coming in "oh so soon"

I'm often late at work

I don't have any woman yet again

I'm torn between my hobbies

I always lack sleep

... the woe of me. The story of my life. The unfortunate one.

Recently, I've made some huge steps on ASP.NET (both VB and C#) and I managed to get a little decent C# myself. Now, I am really confident about my .NETting skillze and 733t programming... well, not that 733t but good enough.

So, I tried to look back on some PL (programming languages) that I took a few years back and reflect on it. So my:

Turbo C - is already non-existent. The only thing that I remember in Turbo C is printf
C++ - Still godliek. I can't help but brag my C++ skillze! It's also my forte and my platform for my thesis that I even learned a different headers and syntax just to make a crappy one! Hah!
VB - Still good and good. Add to that, I'm also used to it's .NET environment.
C# - Newly acquired but already knowledgeable. I'm actually juggling the try-catch methods and some other stuffs. In actuality, the only thing I'm lacking in the .NET environment is the threading namespace. I'll be so godliek if I know how to.
Java - I hate to admit it but it's also almost non-existent. It should be my forte and my specialization and yet, I almost don't know jack about it! I've been living in Java's shadow for more than 3 years and I'm still having a hard time understanding it even on its console. I'm such a mess.

Although I'm really open and interested in learning a couple of:

PERL, Python, Java, Flash, Java, SAP and Java... oh and Java! :3

Right now, I have a little flu going on. How it started is already weird.

Last Tuesday, I told my co-workers that I'll be absent at work at Thursday since I'll be catching a flu.

Come Thursday and I feel that I do have a flu! Though I did get out of the house that same day though.

Thing is, I caught a flu right off the bat when I said that I'll have it.

Weird... o_o

Recently, I've been playing a game called Halo 2.

There's already a huge fanbase of the said game in some parts of the US and I've known about Halo through a series of fanmade videos - it was hilarious and I thought if the fan made these kind of kick-ass videos for the game, it must be pretty good right?

WRONG!

Before I tell you why, I'll explain a little bit of info about Halo.

It is set in a timeline far beyond the future where mankind could live through the outer space. The story revolves on a nameless hero but only known for his rank: Master Chief. The guy stood as tall as 7 feet long and he wears this space marine kinda-like armor.

Your typical first-person shoot em' up game with a pseudo-earth terrestrial terrain.

I forgot, Halo is like a space-colony. Wiki up what a space colony and gundam and you'll get the picture.

So, this Halo is infested with intelligent lifeforms known as the Covenant. They believed that the Halo will bring them to salvation from extinction and gawd knows what will happen to them.

But to Master Chief and the rest of the human space force (in layman's terms) Halo is a planetary destroyer - a big ass weapon that can destroy the Earth.

So that's Halo to you. What I'm playing is Halo 2 which is a little bit different because of some certain bonuses here and there including, you could control another hero from the Covenant known as the Arbiter; talk about anonymity.

So, why did I say that this game sucks balls? From the explanation of my viewpoint of the game, it sounds boring! Been there, done that! Too cliched and the worst part of it, it was blown out of proportion!

Halo isn't the game as Gametrailers.com said it is. A fucking 9.8 rating or all of it's series were in average of 9.5! I can't believe that gametrailers are such a fanboys for the xbox 360!

Heck, Metal Gear Solid 4 was rated as 9.5! They rated the best game this year with a 9.5 where as a cheesy and cliche FPS game got a 9.8! This is an abomination!

To add why Metal Gear Solid 4 is such a kick ass game it's because in another game called Resistance, the developers dropped an Easter Egg (or special bonus) paying respects to MGS4. In one of their crates, it says MGS4PWNS!

That's how great MGS4 is! It's so bad-ass that Snake kicked the balls of Master Chief and the Arbiter simultaneously with 1 foot!

I might be over exaggerating and all but giving a "second rate cliche science fiction wannabe" FPS game with a rate of 9.8 is just plain bad.

By the way, 1 is the lowest and 10 is the highest.

Half-Life is even more engaging and I'm already pumped up to what Half-Life 2 is in-stored for me after playing such a boring and mindless game - Halo 2.

The story isn't even interesting. You see a huge giant plant which is even smarter than you, old aliens riding in some chair that is a rip-off of Star War's Palpatine throne and there's no Map! The game is friggin hard to navigate without a friggin map!

You have a useless radar which kinda acts like a sonar so it's pretty useless if there are more than 3 enemies moving into you.

The highest sensitivity for the mouse is 10 but i feel that I'm scrolling like 3 or 4.

Cortana is a slut AI.

Weapons are too damn generic and it doesn't offer much originality.

The good thing is the plasma grenade though. I like it when I threw one at the enemy and it sticks into their body.

... HELL, THAT MAY BE THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT THE GAME!

This game sucks my balls really and I'm not even interested in playing Halo 3!

It's all in the ads. I've read at 1 time that Halo plastic cups are being offered in some fast food restaurants as promotion.

Sheesh... no wonder.

I don't excel in a single category.

I can do everything.

And with that, I need to learn:

CSS
Flash
Drawings Some More
Improving my craft

I've been "wielding" the English language since "as far as I could remember."

It's not perfect.

Nor it's that advanced.

I make mistakes and some typo's or grammie errors but I am confident to say - and most of the time - that my English is 80% correct... 85 I mean :D

I also know a little Nihonggo here and there but that's just about it.

... this is a pointless post, because some weaboo is trying to be both english and japanese at the same time and it knocks me right off of my shoezz at how hard the person tries to be "as cool as Chuck Norris"

Guys like him should burn in hell... ~_~

My Home Computer

Name: Aliscea Kentsfield
General Attitude: Ojou Tsundere with Gakki traits
Cup Size: 36c
Intelligence: 8
Juice Drink: Enermax (huge mug)
Hair Color / Dress: Black semi-goth laces and frills
Aircon/Bathtub: Generic electric fans

My Work Computer

Name: Dorothy Willamette
General Attitude: Older but air-headed and slow
Cup Size: 34b
Intelligence: 6.5
Juice Drink: Local refreshers
Hair Color / Dress: Silver-White with carbon ribbons/overlays (glasses)
Aircon/Bathtub: Generic electric fans

I also need more traits to differentiate them so I could work more on the CPU-tan... when I'm idle at work :3

This is an original concept by me, Neixsutm.

Since there are already OS-tans, I've figured that there should be CPU-tans! They're more unique and all based on each person's specifications of CPU's. Let's take for example my current CPU.

CPU-tan: Aliscea Kentsfield

Now, how did I come up with the name of my CPU-tan? Easy! Aliscea is my computer's name and Kentsfield is my processor's codename - q6600.

Attitude: Your selfish and saucy brat that has a tendency to throw tantrums and breakdown when pushed further to her limit. In otaku layman's term, a tsundere.

What's with the bad personality? Well, my CPU is running in Windows Vista Black Edition... yes, a hacked Vista but I do say it's pretty eye-dropping. What's with the delicate side you asked? My mother board. I broke my first mother board because I tried to push my memory to 800 Mhz and I have to replace it with yet another mother board. Don't overclock or tweak your PC!

Cup-size: 36 C

Now now, don't go and tell me that I'm a feminist, chauvinist bastard. It has an explanation too. The cup-size or breast size is determined by your video card. I'm running with a single 9800 GTX and it's currently one of the top-of-the-line video cards out there. Previous video cards like the 8 series can be in the B cup category while anything lower than 7500 can be A or totally flat! As for 3 way SLi's or GX280 video cards, they'll be double D! or even bigger!

Intelligence: from the scale of 1-10, 10 is the smartest, Aliscea will be 8? XD

Now that's just an estimation. The intelligence of your CPU depends on your memory and storage. It should be combined since it all goes down to read-write and as far as a person can go with intelligence, it is scaled on how fast they can accomplish a task. My CPU has 320 gigabytes of storage non-RAID and 2 GHz of DDR2. The RAID and other thinking process of the CPU-tans can be discussed later on.

Juice Drink: Enermax

As a comic relief or a special item for the CPU-tans, they have their own juice drink! Yes, you read it right! Juice drink! Juice drinks for the CPU-tans can be your power-source or PSU. It can also be one of the determining factors of whether your CPU-tan receives the proper nutrients to make her stay in shape! Discussion on how your CPU-tan looks like will be later.

Now, how big or many would these CPU-tan can drink? Check your wattage, if it goes beyond 1000 watts, then your CPU tan should be eating a king-sized can or bowl! The expression of CPU-tans can also be depicting on how they take on their drink! It's really cute to imagine my CPU-tan drinking below 350watts~ she'll look like shes disgusted by it but she could chug it down nonetheless. (don't try this with your pc)

Hair color/Skin color: Black, simple dress but not that gothic or frilly

What's the determining factor for this? Your casing. CPU tan can be dressed as flamboyant or armor-clad depending on your CPU casing. It could also reflect on how your CPU-tans house would look like or even her car but the CPU tan's general color should be relevant to your casing. Other aesthetics such as design will fall on your CPU's casing model or kind.

Air-con/bathtub: Electric fans

To determine which item to make your CPU-tan to cool her, refer to your coolant or heatsinks. If you're using a stock fan for your processor, then it's just a generic electric fan. Though if you're using CoolMaster and other thermal coolants, it can be a branded aircon or a flashy bathtub.

Interaction:

This is hilarious. I figured that running programs or games like Halo 2/3 to your CPU-tan is like master chief will visit your CPU-tan's place. Running and installing the game would probably be housing master chief inside the CPU-tan's home. Obviously, master chief has needs that the CPU-tans should deliver (the system requirements) and if master chief doesn't seem to like the CPU-tan's house, he will reject her and most probably leave her.

If the installation seemed to be a success, then master chief can move in and converse with the CPU-tan. I'm going to work on this but in any case, the main idea is that keeping master chief company during his stay inside CPU-tan's house. Talking, serving him food or tea and how fast would CPU-tan would react to master chief's request. Surely, when CPU-tan would be doing all of these requests, she'll began to perspire and sweat or would most likely be drinking more juice.

That's it for now for the CPU-tans hehehe, hope you enjoyed some of my randomness yet again XD

"Solve the problem systematically; every solution has a programmer's way in handling it; if you're doing it with brute force, better do it manually in the real world."

things ive learned :3

Do you even consider this crap of a console the "next-gen" kind? I think not...

You exercise with this wiimote/console? If you're retarded and childish then maybe you will exaggerate those wii-moves or whatever shit you call it.

PS3<Wii? You're a fucking retard... I'd rather buy a 360 elite! Family fun? Play with friends? I'd teach my mother on how to play DOTA instead and gather all of my friends to play an MMO. Seriously, don't take this new wave of gameplay too seriously or in par with the real next-gen consoles. (360 and PS3) Also, I'm a fucking PS3 and 360 fanboy so go to hell you stupid Wiitards!!!

What? So you think I don't have this stages? I'm human too you know.

Anyway, here it goes.

I live off in misery and disappointments.
I never really get that lucky in anything.
In fact, at most times, I need to get embarrassed first before I learn.
My greatest failure is I hope too much.
Even though I am the harbinger of misfortune.
I still cling to hope.
Only to find myself scattered and dead on the floor of disappointments.

I have so little to gain and yet so much to lose.
I can't understand why this is happening to me but a lot of people already told me that I'm a good soul.
If only my soul could materialize, I'd rather gut it out of my body so it could be free from the filth - me.

No matter how much I struggle, I always end up being strangled and beaten.
No matter how much I push, the more I get pulled and smitten.
I shed tears of blood whenever my heart is broken.

Countless of times have I've been betrayed.
They all look at me like a miserable and helpless deformed kitten.
But they do not know that I'm only wearing a mask in order to hide my ugliness.

I'm not happy
I'm broken and shattered into pieces

I try to keep myself together but no matter how hard I try, the wind would always blow what I have gathered.
And alas, have I should look for the pieces again.

I live in my own woe and peril
It's always raining in my world - black blood and the stench of rot
Don't give me hope if I already know it is pointless
Don't pick me up if I already know that you'll drop me
Don't tend my wounds if I already know that you'll just beat me
Don't hold my heart if all you're going to do is to crush it with your hands

... that was refreshing. At least I remembered why I had a blog in the first place. x_x